Once upon a time there was this maiden who loved to head out into the concrete jungle around her and experience life in many different ways. She would go to the mall and go shopping for hours and come home with bags full of clothes that she looked fabulous in. Everything she tried on in the store fit like a glove and she was so excited to shop. She adored going to the beaches and wearing bathing suits and shorts. Being outside in the sun being one with nature was exhilarating and love the feeling of the sand in her toes. She loved food as well. She would taste and sample everything around her and admired how everything she ate tasted so heavenly. She would eat whenever she wanted and could eat whatever she wanted and was still as beautiful. Her clothes always fit the same no matter what. It did not matter what she did as she felt like a mortal goddess everyday of her life.
If only life was like the dreams and fantasies we grow up with thinking will happen in our future. I do not know about you, but I can not remember the last time I truly enjoyed going to the shopping mall and buying things for myself OR heading to the beach and freely walking around confident in myself in a bathing suit. Reality is I am not looking at all for a pity party, if anything this year I would prefer to give myself a reality check. By reality check I mean I lying to myself and sugar coating the truth. I know not everyone will agree with my title of the post, but for myself that is as true as it can be. Being Fat Sucks.
No it is not that I have been deluded like many of those singers and dancers on the reality shows. I knew I was not my ideal weight and that I needed to loose some. Gosh, if you have been following my blog for a while you will probably remember that this time last year I was in a challenge to loose weight. I did loose a ton and then I fell back into the same ruts and before you know it your back to the beginning. Sure I would tell people I want/need to loose some weight, I want/need to become more fit. Though once I was making progress and feeling so confident in myself, my guard would drop down and viola all that progress, challenges and sacrifices I made were worth nothing. Which in the end means that I truly was saying that I am worth nothing. Though I know I am so what gives?
Reality is that I am living my life in a great big circle and if I do not learn and change it then I will continue to follow in the circle that I am in right now. No one can change me from the path I am on. I have to have the courage to admit it to myself and fight through the barriers I have put up it make it to my goal. The strange thing is I was just reading a book where the character was doing running into the same issues over and over again over hundreds of years. She was immortal and she kept making mistakes and to the point her fortune telling her that she never learns and she keeps making the same mistake. In the end she does learn, but it was hard for her to break out of the cycle. It came to she would loose so much more if she did not stop making the same mistakes.
Breaking out of our comfort zones is a hard thing for any of us to do. Though this is one that I am needing to do for myself. I can not bank on another chance as we are never guaranteed tomorrow. We have to live life fully with every breath we take as you never know when it will be the last.